“He is adorable!”

I heard one of the women huddled around the still-clean-stroller in the middle of the hallway say this morning as I departed the elevator on my floor.

I recognized the new Mom as a woman from the office two doors down, whose midsection I have watched over these past months become increasingly larger....she obviously had a baby boy and her co-workers were oohing and ahhing over him.

I remember those times as if they were, well not quite yesterday, but I could say in all honesty – I remember them like they were just a few years ago.

That fabulous anticipation of the arrival of who had been growing inside of me for some 9 months. Wondering what those elbows or feet that kicked like crazy – making my already swollen belly even more misshapen as they would try to poke thru and then silently glide across the expanse of skin almost etch-a-sketch-like, just what would they look like? How tiny would they be and most importantly would they all be beautifully formed?

So when he arrived - all 9 pounds 10 ½ ounces of him – his head incredibly bruised and swollen from squeezing out of that small passageway – after peeing all over the delivery nurse, then being cleaned up and handed to me - I witnessed absolute perfection – I cried, no I sobbed – he was beautiful!!

Back then my plan was to permanently etch into my mind every everything about him. I tried to just be in those moments – I longingly wanted him to forever be at that stage of his life with me – completely dependent and unscarred.

But the new-baby-smell wore off as that first year flew by and the next thing I knew all of those “permanently” etched memories were faded, pushed to the way back of my mind and my baby, he is 20 now and by society standards he is a man.

so much for my plan