Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Nope...when he got married he was 28.

Is today’s overheard sidewalk snippet from my morning walk to work, which, as usual, got me recalling....

In the late 1970’s I was engaged to a rock –n- roll drummer – he and I had dated all thru high school, we graduated, I got a ring, we set a date, secured the church, reception hall and while waiting for the big day....I got a phone call from a mutual friend, he wanted me to know that my fiancé had a girlfriend.

WHAT?

A fiancé and a GIRLFRIEND?

Now that wasn’t going to work.

Seems he had met Teri while playing a gig. She was cute, petite, bubbly, had a huge set of knockers, and she put out - ALOT.....the deal was sealed.

I was devastated.

I moved out of my parent’s home, got my first apartment with a good friend and I focused on my job.

A scant two weeks after moving out, I started dating a guy that turned out to be my future husband and within 6 months, from start-to-finish, we were married.

During the time prior to my wedding, a wise aunt of mine told me – “Sues DO NOT get married until you are in your mid-to-late twenties. You change a lot during that time period and who you are now in your early twenties – will not necessarily be who you are in your mid-to-late twenties. Your ideals change. Your wants and needs change. In essence you mature.”

She tried to pass on her lived out wisdom to me.

I didn’t listen and boy-oh-boy, was she right.

I did change. A lot.

He changed too – he got even more selfish.

The cutesy “let me play wife and take care of most everything – all the while working full time” role wore thin real fast. By my mid-to-late-twenties I was desperately in need of something different – I was miserable in my marriage – so we did what those around us were doing....we had a couple of kids.

Now that was thinking!

I not only had myself, my husband, our house and a job to take care of – I now had two small children that looked to me for their every breath and care.

Let’s suffice it to say I finally got some courage after 20 years of abuse (slow learner) and filed.

So my Aunt’s sage words were right on, but I was too starry eyed in love to listen. I wonder if the guy they were talking about had a wise aunt? If so, at least he heeded her advice.

paid the price

6 comments:

the dilf said...

very very interesting and I 100% agree with the age thing

also, being a certified nympho, I was intrigued by the "putting out A LOT" part. I love "getting a lot." I seem to find that a lot of women are offended by that and I'm not sure why. It only takes 10-15 minutes. Why do so many couples fight about this? Seriously, only 10 minutes to make your counterpart happy each day?

Susan said...

Well, Dilf, I can only comment on my "offended by that" experience - my ex expressed his l-o-v-e ONLY in bed - outside of the bed he quite often was miserable to me. By year three I was extremely offended by his daily advances...but I did give in to EVERY OTHER DAY pleasuring of the hubby. He was still unhappy with me.

had to flee

Wise Ol' Man said...

The "heart" we listen to is inclined to be vociferous--it reaches for the brass ring on the Merry-Go-Round of Life.

Your "Heart-of'Hearts" is much more subdued, even quiet, but is the source for all your wannabe dreams.

This is a tragedy of life. We often slip, slide, sprawl, and fall into maturity, but then we mistakenly assume that youthful dreams have been forfeited, and allow the tapestry we have woven to dominate and obscure them. The life you really want is like the lottery--you can't win unless you play it.

for better or for worse said...

You should consider the fact that you married someone within the first 6 months. How can you really know someone in that short amount of time? I'm sure if you knew him longer you would have seen earlier how he was going to treat you.

If you were so miserable with your marriage then why would you decide to have kids with him? It seems a little selfish to want to have kids, knowing how you were unhappy with the situation you were already in. Why would you even want to raise children in that environment?

After 20 years of “abuse” and after the divorce, why did you still want to be with him? And when you were sick, who was the one who was there for you?

Susan said...

For Better or For Worse - Wow! I can't quite figure out who this is - you must be someone that knows me well - but not well enough to know my answers to those deep questions.

As far as the last question - the answer is MY AWESOME FAMILY AND FRIENDS!!

never ends

Anonymous said...

"for better or worse" sounds a little bitter... or worse.

susan couldn't be a more generous, selfless, loving person. Unwarranted judgement and 20/20 hindsight aside, PLENTY of people have had children believing they will be the glue to put the marriage back together, and sometimes it actually works. Be happy you (apparently) never walked in those shoes.