Wednesday, March 19, 2008

“I feel like I am losing my family again.”

he said while putting his work clothes and other assorted items that he had brought to my house, into his truck.

To think that a man, who couldn’t deal rationally with the small bumps in the road of a family life, could have dealt with being a family again while trying to hurdle the biggest bump ever, was sheer insanity.

I remember the exact moment that I knew I had to ask him to was before Christmas and he and I were in my garage getting down all the decorations from the attic when he asked “Did you talk to the chemo nurse about us having sex?”

“Yes, I did.” I replied.

“Well what did she say?”

“She said that as long as I felt good – it wasn’t a problem.”

He followed that with “Is that all she said?”

“Yeah, why – are you worried?”

Then the truth of the matter came out.....

“Can it get on me?” he asked.

“Can WHAT get on you?” I voice getting angrier as I realize who this was about!

“Can the chemo get on me?"

We limped thru Christmas and then I asked him – no, I told him that he had to leave.

He proclaimed to be sad - but it didn't matter to me - I had something much bigger to fight.

with all my might.

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